If you have been following my blog, you’d know that I am, in most cases, looking for a direction, a ray of light, a sense of hope — which technically also means that I am in most cases lost. And I am lost again, today, once more and surely not the last time even though I hope I could say that this was really, really it! But it isn’t. So here I am, just creating a diary to keep track of all the times I have lost my track only to come back again and relearning what I learned but somehow keep forgetting.
For starters, I am back to square one. Lost again, obviously. But this time I feel I am getting worse than I ever was. Will I find my way back again? I don’t know… So many things I want to do, so many things I want to say but they are all left in silence…
But you know what is worse of it all?
Even as I sit to write down what bothers me all day, everyday, by staying in my mind – it chooses to hide the moment I start to type … All the words that don’t hesitate to rage a war in my head all day long, they disappear as if they never existed… and even though I try to remember, I can’t – not a clue … it is like my mind is playing hide and seek, torturing me to the very core and I feel like I cannot win because well, it is my mind, it knows me more than I know it, it controls me, while all I can do is fight it or defend myself from it …
and that’s it… so, it leaves me lost …
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