Time to pause everything…


So all of my days and weeks are pretty much the same chaotically messed up and difficult with just a hint of sunshine here and there… but not this week… because this week my older one has been struggling with emotions and I dont know how to help him 🙄

he has been quieter than usual… acting out more… the teachers said he would quietly sulk in a corner after i would leave… and today he said he didn’t want to go to school… at home I have been unable to give him 1on1 time either and I no longer know how to find out what’s bothering him… and with tonnes of other things that I am worrying about, I am not choosing to step back… Push myself a little bit more… And perhaps forget my own existence at all and just try to focus on one thing that matters most at the moment and that is, my son…

I still haven’t figured out how or what to do… I still don’t know how I am going to solve this problem while I still have a room full of laundry that needs folding and yet more ready to be washed, with food to cook and all that cleaning that somehow never gets done… but what I do know is that for starters, I need to put everything on complete hold as we try to communicate with each other… or at least, break that ice…

So, here’s to playdoh time to break the ice….

Another unproductively productive day


It won’t be wrong to say that another day is passing by where the mess is still there, I’m still like a pressure cooker on high flame that is almost running out of the water inside and will soon burn the food in it or explode if the flame isn’t put off… And another day full of crazy toddlers that won’t leave me alone even for a little while… a 1 year old who screams at the top of her lungs and won’t let me do anything and a 3 year old who wants the same amount of attnetion the moment he sees me trying to cheer her… So yes… the life is crazy and messed up… I have no room for anyone else other than these two for sure… and yet it feels I am unable to give them time either… I don’t know where my time goes… I don’t know what I do all day except for that I am barely free…

Yet, for a change… with these two still clinging on to me while I have laundry to fold, dishes to wash, rooms to vacuum, bathroom to clean, food to prepare and take a shower I decide to blog… express a little bit while listening to “Nadan parinday ghar aaja…” With my hair being pulled and little one making me type the same word again and again, while my older one reading every word I type… I think, for a change, it is good???

I know now that no one will like to hear or read what I have to say anyway… since most people just like my company as long as I am entertaining them, therefore, yes I am actually proud of myself for managing to type this much with these two annoyingly adorable munchkins…

Meanwhile, if you did read this post, thank you for reading my blabbing!

Autumn enlightenment


Life isn’t going to be perfect… people aren’t going to be perfect… love is not going to be perfect… but then, perhaps the definition of perfect isn’t perfect itself… for what is perfect?? that which has no flaws? what if the flaws are what make imperfection so perfect?? What if we are all looking things in the wrong way?

It is hard to tell that… and it is even more difficult to say these things out loud… esp. to people who talk but not listen… who are not even tad bit interested in trying to understand you…

Perhaps then well, just keep these thoughts to yourself… seek your answers in silence and be discreet of what you feel… Not every soul has a mate and not every friend is true… and the sooner you accept that, the better… the lesser it hurts, and the more you can use your energy or what is left of it, for the best…

Not easy being a mum…


Being a mum is not easy.  And it is full of everything; smiles, tears, joys, screams, frustration, pleasure – a complete package.

Yet, being a stay-at-home mum with minimum interaction with outside world, I have realized that motherhood is not bad in itself, but that society has made it as the toughest job.  Society expects you to do everything without any help.  And that’s probably the reason why we are having more and more messed up adults because a woman who is struggling through her emotions, depression, anxiety, identity crisis, and is shunned from talking about it and forced to become invisible cannot raise positive and strong and emotionally healthy kids no matter how much she wants to.  You see, it takes two to create a baby and yet it is expected for only ONE to raise it.  If a child does something good, parents are praised, but if a child is not behaving up to the standard, then the mum is to be blamed.  Why?

Taking care!


Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo world!

Luckily, for once in the longest time, I get to type as soon as I want to express with no distractions – how cool is that?  Haha… Just kidding… But anyway so while watering my orchid and seeing it die slowly, because I had been away for a while and nobody took care of it.  So anyway, I realized that me watering it now is not going to bring it back to life.  I mean, I can still water and try to save what’s left of it but I have to accept that some of it, the blooming flowers ARE going to wilt away BUT that doesn’t mean I need to stop taking care of it now.  Because if I keep taking care of it, it will blossom back.  I may have to see it without flowers for a while but they will grow back.

Now, marriage is kind of like that.  In some cases we choose our spouse, where we nourish it from the beginning and manage to do so.  But in cases of arrange marriage, it is like getting a flower plant for gift.  You have to get to know it and take care of it.  And at times you might be unable to take care of it the way it needs to and by the time you realize and start taking care of it again, it might be too late.  Because the flowers are wilting away.  BUT that doesn’t mean you should get rid of the plant just yet.  As long as the root is alive and there is still some life left in it then keep taking care of it even if it means to do twice as much, but if you keep doing that, it WILL bloom again eventually.

So hold on, and keep taking care of yourself, your plants, and your loved ones!!