Posted in Feelings and Views, My Life...

From auto to manual…


And then there are times when you start to breathe again, live again and then a certain thing can make you suffocate all of a sudden… and even though there is light at the end of the tunnel, you may again feel like you are surrounded by darkness… And it can be real OR an illusion created by your fears… But the truth is that you have survived the darkness before and you can do it now too… and you will… and perhaps this darkness is what you need to fuel your inner spark instead of waiting for the sun to shine…

Like a camera… you have to stop depending on auto, and switch to manual, change all the settings and take a brighter picture even when the sun is setting!!

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Posted in Feelings and Views, My Life...

It is not your fault…


Know, that it is not your fault that your hormones chose to go wonky as you entered motherhood. Know, that depression is not your choice; it isn’t anyone’s choice. Know, that you are doing more than enough just by being there for your children and trying to create a positive and safe environment for them. Know, that you will have downs and lows and you may even hit rock bottom and that somedays it may even feel like a dead end and darkness covering the sky BUT that even though it may feel that you are not good enough and you are not doing well, that you are in fact doing great!

You see, the very feeling that is making you feel as such is a proof that you are… Yes, it may not be 100% great or perfect or so but it is. Don’t let the chemical imbalance cloud your sight.

Life is beautiful.

YOU are beautiful.

YOU are strong.

YOU are not at fault.

Even when you have fallen, rise back. For falling is not your fault but, not rising is!

Having a bad day is not your fault, but refusing to try to make other days better because you had a bad day, is!

So go on… Keep trying and living like today never happened and your life has just begun!!!

Posted in My Life...

When silence becomes you…


Do you ever feel like you have forgotten how to talk, how to express?  How to just have a normal healthy conversation without making it weird or awkward or just plain why-am-I-even-listening-to-this-person for the person you are talking to?

If not, then well congratulations, because that is what I am at the moment.  And if not weird or awkward, I am pretty sure I am making you feel like closing this post and moving on and carry on doing what you want to.  Of course, it won’t have any whatsoever effect on me.  Because to be honest, I am only typing this because I really do need to.  I am tired of holding up and hearing to these ovices in my head that never stop, N.E.V.E.R   E.V.E.R stop…

I used to be good at it, at least that’s what I feel.  Based on how I was always mostly the life of my workplace.  Always talking.  Non-stop at times.  And anyone, who knew me, or spent time with me, would know that something is up or wrong if they found me quieter than usual.  And now, five years later, here I am.  One of the quietest person if not the cheeriest or even slight bit talkative.  Because it is like the darkness has successfully sucked me in.

And yet, here I am.  Typing completely rubbish and yet daring to hope that I am having a tiny bit philosophical conversation, with myself and someone who is reading this post and who hopefully will understand and then perhaps I would know that I am not alone or that there is still a bit of sanity left.  Because sometimes that is the hope you need.  to keep fighting.  to not give up.  to try and remember and be the cheery optimistic person you were despite accepting all the realities.  Unlike now, that you are just a silence…

Posted in My Life..., Uncategorized

The Silence Kills…


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How do you avoid the silence that is deafening?

You know why man needs to be a social animal?  Because sometimes, that is the only way to avoid that silence that starts to speak up, slowly slowly, raising it’s voice, until it becomes too loud for you… And you can’t avoid it anymore… It succumbs you; first as a friend and then as a cruel killer… You can’t avoid it… You can hear your surroundings, but somehow those voices disappear in the silence and you can still see them talking you can still feel a part of you trying to hear and reach out to them and avoid the silence… but the silence is too strong… and you really need someone, who is determined enough to help you get out — who can silence the silence…  And until that someone comes, just live with it… Fight with it every day … e.v.e.r.y  s.i.n.g.l.e  d.a.y …

Posted in My Life...

What if…


They say, “Grass is greener on the other side because the other side waters it…”

But what if you watered the grass, provided sunlight, and it was still dry?

They say, “If someone else is living ‘your’ dream, it is because they are working to make that dream turn into a reality…”

But what if, you did work in every way to make that dream reality but it is just no more in your hands because sometimes, it takes two to tango?

They say, “If you are not achieving your goal, you are no trying hard enough…”

But what if, you have tried each and every way possible…?

you see… they say, they have said, and they will say… but sometimes, we need to accept that somethings are just not worth the effort… like you can’t make the sun rise from west or rain to fall upward or to flowers to bloom in autumn or to fire to be cold to touch…

somethings are not meant to be…

or…

perhaps…

they are…

because, what if, all the right things and efforts you were putting in were just in wrong direction and for wrong people?

What if, you are fighting the fate like trying to fight the inevitable death???

Posted in My Life...

Caught in a loop


How do you escape a loop?  Go on, search it on Google, and for JavaScript or C language or other languages as such, you will find an answer… But, when it comes to life, how can you break a loop?

Days, months, and now years have passed and I can’t seem to break this loop.  Every time I feel I am close to breaking it, life proves me wrong.  I have shared what I’ve been going through with a number of people, but none provided a shoulder or ear to listen — to *just* listen and let me pour out and just support that they understand me… Nop… they all have *their* opinions … and to be honest, I’m tired … I honestly am … the darkness seems to have overtaken me… and now all I see is darkness…

It is funny actually.  I wanted to be an inspirational writer, someone, whose novels or blogs gave hope and inspiration to the reader… And here I am, succumbing to the darkness…

Will this loop break?

Should I even try to break it anymore?

I don’t know… maybe I will?  I don’t know!