Being a mum is not easy. And it is full of everything; smiles, tears, joys, screams, frustration, pleasure – a complete package.
Yet, being a stay-at-home mum with minimum interaction with outside world, I have realized that motherhood is not bad in itself, but that society has made it as the toughest job. Society expects you to do everything without any help. And that’s probably the reason why we are having more and more messed up adults because a woman who is struggling through her emotions, depression, anxiety, identity crisis, and is shunned from talking about it and forced to become invisible cannot raise positive and strong and emotionally healthy kids no matter how much she wants to. You see, it takes two to create a baby and yet it is expected for only ONE to raise it. If a child does something good, parents are praised, but if a child is not behaving up to the standard, then the mum is to be blamed. Why?
Luckily, for once in the longest time, I get to type as soon as I want to express with no distractions – how cool is that? Haha… Just kidding… But anyway so while watering my orchid and seeing it die slowly, because I had been away for a while and nobody took care of it. So anyway, I realized that me watering it now is not going to bring it back to life. I mean, I can still water and try to save what’s left of it but I have to accept that some of it, the blooming flowers ARE going to wilt away BUT that doesn’t mean I need to stop taking care of it now. Because if I keep taking care of it, it will blossom back. I may have to see it without flowers for a while but they will grow back.
Now, marriage is kind of like that. In some cases we choose our spouse, where we nourish it from the beginning and manage to do so. But in cases of arrange marriage, it is like getting a flower plant for gift. You have to get to know it and take care of it. And at times you might be unable to take care of it the way it needs to and by the time you realize and start taking care of it again, it might be too late. Because the flowers are wilting away. BUT that doesn’t mean you should get rid of the plant just yet. As long as the root is alive and there is still some life left in it then keep taking care of it even if it means to do twice as much, but if you keep doing that, it WILL bloom again eventually.
So hold on, and keep taking care of yourself, your plants, and your loved ones!!
And then there are times when you start to breathe again, live again and then a certain thing can make you suffocate all of a sudden… and even though there is light at the end of the tunnel, you may again feel like you are surrounded by darkness… And it can be real OR an illusion created by your fears… But the truth is that you have survived the darkness before and you can do it now too… and you will… and perhaps this darkness is what you need to fuel your inner spark instead of waiting for the sun to shine…
Like a camera… you have to stop depending on auto, and switch to manual, change all the settings and take a brighter picture even when the sun is setting!!
Know, that it is not your fault that your hormones chose to go wonky as you entered motherhood. Know, that depression is not your choice; it isn’t anyone’s choice. Know, that you are doing more than enough just by being there for your children and trying to create a positive and safe environment for them. Know, that you will have downs and lows and you may even hit rock bottom and that somedays it may even feel like a dead end and darkness covering the sky BUT that even though it may feel that you are not good enough and you are not doing well, that you are in fact doing great!
You see, the very feeling that is making you feel as such is a proof that you are… Yes, it may not be 100% great or perfect or so but it is. Don’t let the chemical imbalance cloud your sight.
Life is beautiful.
YOU are beautiful.
YOU are strong.
YOU are not at fault.
Even when you have fallen, rise back. For falling is not your fault but, not rising is!
Having a bad day is not your fault, but refusing to try to make other days better because you had a bad day, is!
So go on… Keep trying and living like today never happened and your life has just begun!!!