Where do I belong?


It would seem rather a stupid question to ask… from strangers… or known…  but still, asking… Where do I belong?  … It seems like most of my views are those that fit in with history but not current situations… Though, almost 28… I’m still too young to be part of quite old history and yet, growing up with all these people from my generation and well slightly older than me, I still fail to agree with them on where it counts the most… Esp. when it comes to live life the better way, the solutions of problems… I’m born in a Muslim family, Alhumdulillah… live in a Muslim neighborhood, went to schools, can’t say Muslim as it doesn’t characterize, I mean is the subject of Islamiat enough to call it a Muslim school?  Lets be realistic, even convent schools in Pakistan teach Islamiat… So moving on, I’m surrounded by 99.5% Muslims in my day-to-day life… Yet, sometimes I feel that either I’m wrong or everyone else is…

Not intending to offend anyone… but honestly … after reading something from someone I thought would have similar views as me, I just felt a bit of shock… And so, here I am… wondering where I belong… You see, there are cases where people don’t follow the basic Islamic laws… I don’t too… Yes, I don’t follow them 100%… But I don’t pull someone back from following it, or if they have an opinion that is based completely on Islamic point of view, then I appreciate it and pray that Allah guides me to follow it too… Whereas, when it comes to me, I mostly get an opposing reaction and that too from almost everyone who comes to know about it… There first reaction is:  “Why don’t you abstain from other things as well?” … Where “other things” are the things that are done by me and them as well and it happens when I decide to abstain from something that I haven’t done and intend not to do either but is something that they are doing … and hence when they find out my views, they oppose me… Honestly, why?

Why can’t we appreciate it when someone is taking the right step and encourage them instead of pulling them back?  making them feel isolated and make them feel like they are doing a crime by doing the right thing?  Why is it so hard?  Why… Why… Why… and so many other whys…

I feel like being stuck…stuck among people who talk about Islam but don’t follow it… and who pull back those who try to follow it… And then I feel like I’m someone from another time… Like I don’t belong here… Like something is wrong with me… and more with my heart and mind who don’t digest what people around me say… that my heart keeps feeling guilty until I end up doing the right thing… it must be on the wrong side… or I must be wrong… And perhaps I am… For in today’s time, being right is wrong… being enslaved to Creator is wrong… That’s what this society teaches me… the people, the “well-wishers” … And it feels like I will be walking this path alone … all the way… as long as HE is in my heart… I mean… the fact that I have managed to take all the hateful tone in comments of people I care about, just because I refuse to do something “worldly” … I guess it’s a proof… I must be right… that’s why I’m content?  Or I believe too much in the hereafter that the pain here seems to become because of the thought of doing right for sake of hereafter? … Either way… Being the sinner I was, and to an extent still am… I’ll simply quote the song “Numb” by “Linkin Park” … or maybe end by completely like “Unforgiven” by Metallica… b/c that’s exactly how I feel when it gets too much…  followed by “What do I have but negativity ’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me”  – Somewhere I belong – Linkin Park …. Yes, I’m a sinner… I have listened to songs… and I still do… And you’ll say that Songs are haram too… Yes I know… And that is the reason that since I can no longer erase my memory, these lyrics have stayed in my mind… But I try to avoid as much as I can… Do you????

You’re only allowed to judge me 100% when you yourself are 100% pious and know me 100%… If either if these two qualities are less than 100%, then my dear friend, you should be praying to Allah to show us the right path instead of accusing me just because you’re corrupt yourself…

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