Chapter 3 – In pursuit of Happiness?

So basically I have no idea why I kept the title of this post as “In pursuit of happiness”  basically this post is my version for finding happiness… but nevertheless, I just was reminded of the movie and the name felt like a good title?  Anyhoo… So… let’s see… I could go on with past events since my last post or simply get to the point and write whatever comes in my mind, which does sound a better way to blog… as usual..

So … how do we define happiness?  What is happiness?  Where can you find it?  How do you find it?  So many questions… and not enough answers even though there is a version of happiness dedicated to every person … So basically if I was to tell how many definitions there are of happiness, I’d say that it is equal to the number of people on this earth, old and young alike… Yet, there is only one rational definition, and that is whatever makes you feel good is a source of happiness, so basically the definition is one but it gets that many number of versions because of the different source of happiness for everyone…

Some find happiness and making others happy, some in getting gifts, other getting clothes, some seeing their dad/son after a long time when they come back from work or worktrip or something, a mother finds it in the smile of her child, children find it in probably new toys, icecreams, sweets and candies… and so on… What I have noticed though is that… happiness is same yet different… simple yet complicated… sometimes, it is easy to be happy, and sometimes you have to push yourself and fight with yourself to be happy… fight with circumstances and stand against odd in order to be happy…

Lately it seems as though I’m in the position where I am happy and yet not content… and sometimes, content but not happy… followed by none but trying to be… despite the fact that everything is same as it has been… I mean… its still me… my room… recycling… creating things, getting appreciation from my family… I even got to watch Supernatural a couple of times with bhai… got to talk to my Janu mami… My lovely khalla… my cool mamoo… my sweet cousin… and hung out with friends… STILL… there is something terribly missing … and I just can’t figure it out… and I hate this feeling… of not being able to know what’s wrong…what went wrong… how to fix it?  And this is the point that is hardest… this is the point I fear most… because this is the point where it is hard to control when your heart and your mind wants peace and refreshment and “happiness” and sometimes satan tricks you and makes you fall for ways to find happiness which are not right… which are wrong… So where do I go from here?  where do I find it?  Nop… I don’t intend to be like Elizebeth Gilbert, though I am reading her book but my situation is different and completely opposite…

Somehow I know where my happiness lies… yet it is not for me to have it unless it is given to me by someone else… Though I am doing all the things I love… but for every reason, it feels I am doing it to cover the pain that I actually am getting… But still… what I need most at the moment is perhaps not happiness, but the spirituality, that strength to stick and wait because happiness will come … I know it… I believe in it… and inshA’llah it will…

Yes, I know I got carried away in my thoughts… but that’s what this post is, just a flow of thoughts… which keep jumping from here and there… so here I am again…. if you still are reading it, hats off to you… As for me… I think I’ll step out try and search my happiness, my contentment that seems to be lost or weakened by the enormous load of pain caused by someone else… and unfortunately I can’t tell them or complain, because that’s who I am… a coward in a way… somehow, I find it easy to be hurt than to hurt someone, even though I’m just telling them they hurt me… Whether it is called weakness or strength.. I don’t care… I just know that this is me… and I still have me to take care of my broken heart… why do people hurt?  I don’t know… Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally… Allah knows better… but most of the times… they do it by simple act… the act is… when they expect you to understand, you to treat them as priority… and yet they don’t’ understand you and not even keep you in the option list… I guess world would be much more happier place when everyone treated each other the same way they wanted to be treated…

So with all this crap… just a little advise… If you want to feel special by someone, treat them special…. and if you treat them as option/bad… then allow them to treat you that way too…


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