Undefined…


What to say… what to write… it feels miles away from who I once was… As if I have walked away from myself instead of walking with time…

I have everything yet nothing altogether… And yet I don’t know what is it that I’m seeking?

For if I have everything with me, there is nothing left to seek… and if I have nothing, then I’m not sure what is it that I want? … Is it because I’ve built the walls too high that even I can’t bring them down? Or is it simply a way of being content but just not the way I’m familiar with?

I wake up everyday, laugh, smile, tease and play around.. With my parents, my brothers… and yet, there is an emptiness… Some may say it’s because I’m single but I don’t feel that… For even though being married and having that certain someone special with you is important, still it’s not my top most priority…

I’ve witnessed some terrifying events and yet I am not terrified… And I wonder if it’s because I’m missing the light in my heart or is it because there is just too much light? For I’m sure that there is nothing in between because if it was, I won’t feel it this way…

I miss friends… friendship… and yet, I don’t really think I need them… or want them… I wonder if something is wrong with me? … I still stand up for what I believe in, even if I’m alone… I still put others before me… I make sure I don’t hurt anyone intentionally and wherever possible, I chose to be hurt than hurting someone… And yet…

Sometimes I wonder if my questions have come true… that the answers I once sought has been answered…

I mean… What if the walls that you created to see who cares to break them, are left unbroken…
What if the mask you wore to see who can see through you, is left unexplored and you have to wear that mask forever?
What if the lies you said to hide your pain is never discovered?

Is this how it feels… to never have walls broken… to be left inside your own walls… to never be able to reveal your true identity… to never have someone to know if you’re hurt or not? …

Yeah i know, I’m just 27… and there’s a whole lot to discover.. perhaps with passage of time… it’ll all be proven wrong… or maybe not… but in either case… I guess I’ll just play along… wait and see… perhaps life has a surprise for me… 🙂

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