Silent screams…


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In this cold dark night, under a sky full of stars…
I see the moon missing, wondering where you are..
Wanting to close my eyes, afraid these tears might fall,
I concentrate in this silence, wondering if you called…
But the silence takes over with a quiet scream…
And all this reality of us, feels like a scary dream…
Because you say you’re with me, you tell me that you care…
And still I’m alone in this dark night, I can’t even feel you near…
Going crazy with these thoughts, I think of all the times we had,
Only to know the times you made me happy are far less than when you made me sad….
Still with an aching heart, I let you in again…
Hoping that it’ll be different, that I’ll have a happy end…

– Yumna Jalil Yahya …

Writing a poem after longest time… Wondering if I can still rhyme!!!

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Where do I belong?


It would seem rather a stupid question to ask… from strangers… or known…  but still, asking… Where do I belong?  … It seems like most of my views are those that fit in with history but not current situations… Though, almost 28… I’m still too young to be part of quite old history and yet, growing up with all these people from my generation and well slightly older than me, I still fail to agree with them on where it counts the most… Esp. when it comes to live life the better way, the solutions of problems… I’m born in a Muslim family, Alhumdulillah… live in a Muslim neighborhood, went to schools, can’t say Muslim as it doesn’t characterize, I mean is the subject of Islamiat enough to call it a Muslim school?  Lets be realistic, even convent schools in Pakistan teach Islamiat… So moving on, I’m surrounded by 99.5% Muslims in my day-to-day life… Yet, sometimes I feel that either I’m wrong or everyone else is…

Not intending to offend anyone… but honestly … after reading something from someone I thought would have similar views as me, I just felt a bit of shock… And so, here I am… wondering where I belong… You see, there are cases where people don’t follow the basic Islamic laws… I don’t too… Yes, I don’t follow them 100%… But I don’t pull someone back from following it, or if they have an opinion that is based completely on Islamic point of view, then I appreciate it and pray that Allah guides me to follow it too… Whereas, when it comes to me, I mostly get an opposing reaction and that too from almost everyone who comes to know about it… There first reaction is:  “Why don’t you abstain from other things as well?” … Where “other things” are the things that are done by me and them as well and it happens when I decide to abstain from something that I haven’t done and intend not to do either but is something that they are doing … and hence when they find out my views, they oppose me… Honestly, why?

Why can’t we appreciate it when someone is taking the right step and encourage them instead of pulling them back?  making them feel isolated and make them feel like they are doing a crime by doing the right thing?  Why is it so hard?  Why… Why… Why… and so many other whys…

I feel like being stuck…stuck among people who talk about Islam but don’t follow it… and who pull back those who try to follow it… And then I feel like I’m someone from another time… Like I don’t belong here… Like something is wrong with me… and more with my heart and mind who don’t digest what people around me say… that my heart keeps feeling guilty until I end up doing the right thing… it must be on the wrong side… or I must be wrong… And perhaps I am… For in today’s time, being right is wrong… being enslaved to Creator is wrong… That’s what this society teaches me… the people, the “well-wishers” … And it feels like I will be walking this path alone … all the way… as long as HE is in my heart… I mean… the fact that I have managed to take all the hateful tone in comments of people I care about, just because I refuse to do something “worldly” … I guess it’s a proof… I must be right… that’s why I’m content?  Or I believe too much in the hereafter that the pain here seems to become because of the thought of doing right for sake of hereafter? … Either way… Being the sinner I was, and to an extent still am… I’ll simply quote the song “Numb” by “Linkin Park” … or maybe end by completely like “Unforgiven” by Metallica… b/c that’s exactly how I feel when it gets too much…  followed by “What do I have but negativity ’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me”  – Somewhere I belong – Linkin Park …. Yes, I’m a sinner… I have listened to songs… and I still do… And you’ll say that Songs are haram too… Yes I know… And that is the reason that since I can no longer erase my memory, these lyrics have stayed in my mind… But I try to avoid as much as I can… Do you????

You’re only allowed to judge me 100% when you yourself are 100% pious and know me 100%… If either if these two qualities are less than 100%, then my dear friend, you should be praying to Allah to show us the right path instead of accusing me just because you’re corrupt yourself…

Deciding the already decided


Some decisions are hard to make… Not because they are hard, but simply because of the society we live in… The people we are meant to live with… They make it harder because of two reasons (I suppose)…. 1) because they aren’t strong enough to stand against the society or 2) because they too are like them (the society) …

So what should one do?  Listen to people or listen to the Creator? … Of course, listen to the Creator, end of discussion… I wish it was… Instead… It is the very reason to make it harder… Because unfortunately the society we live in….or at least one I live in and come across to… It only makes it harder… The moment you step up to do something for HIS sake, something that isn’t exactly in favour or pleasing to society, they start pointing you out your dozen other wrong deeds… They don’t encourage you to take this right step and keep taking more, INSTEAD, they pull you down… Remind you of all wrong steps you took etc…

Yes, I live in this Non-Islamic “Muslim” society…. Unfortunately… Or maybe fortunately, Allah knows better…  But here’s a request, if you truly fear Allah, your Creator… Then please don’t pull down someone who is trying to take a right step, just because you walk on the wrong path… Be true Muslim… Say MashA’llah and pray to Allah that HE helps him/her, and you, and this society in walking on the right path too…

As for me… Though for now I’m one against more like 99% of all females I know… Still, I intend to keep my decision… No shaping of eyebrows… Alhumdulillah mine don’t need… And yet people tell me that I should, esp when it will be the time of my marriage… And I don’t understand why? … Just because the media and makeup artists say it is important?? How???
Ok, I will if they promise to take responsibility and agree to be punished in hell because of it!!! Will they?? Nop… So why should I care??

& as I always have believed in Allah helping me through… Likewise it happened now… Almost at edge of changing my decision, unwillingly… I opened Twitter, though I hadn’t opened it in longest time… And there on my TL was this quote:

Never change who you are just because you’re afraid of losing them. If they really love you, your imperfections won’t matter.

Shukar Alhumdulillah… Yes, I’m a sinner not a saint… but I have no intention of increasing the load of my sins just because “some” people are influenced by “media” and their “definition of beauty”….
And the fact that I ended up seeing that quote is a proof that HE is happy with my decision too & wants me to stick to it InshA’llah :)

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Chicken Donuts


IMAG1922Ok now… you can call it:  Stuffed Bun or Chicken Donuts or Stuffed Chicken Bun… whatever you choose… it’s basically same thing different version…

This recipe isn’t mine… but rather just sharing it ‘coz I really love it…

INGREDIENTS

For dough:

  • 1/4 kg All purpose flour or Maida or White flour
  • 1 teaspoon Yeast
  • 1 teaspoon Sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon Salt Or as needed
  • 1/4 cup Milk (I used lukewarm milk) –OR— 1 table spoon milk powder
  • 4 tablespoon Oil
  • Lukewarm water as needed.

For filling:

  • 1/4 kg shredded chicken … (First boil it with ginger/garlic & salt)
  • 1 medium sized carrot (fine chopped)
  • 1 medium sized capsicum (fine chopped)
  • 1 medium sized spring onion (fine chopped)
  • 1 small cabbage (fine chopped Winking smile)
  • Vinegar, Soy Sauce, Chili sauce, Ketchup …  3-4 tablespoons each
  • Salt & black pepper to taste
  • 1 tablespoon white flour (this will be used in order to bind the mixture … although I didn’t use it and it all still turned out fine… so it’s up to you)

PROCEDURE:

  • For dough:

    Take white flour, add yeast, salt, & sugar… start making the dough by using milk and oil… then use water as needed in order to make the dough and keep it mild soft.  now cover it and let it rest for about an hour (if the weather’s hot else keep it for 2 hours… depending what the temperature is in room).

  • For filling:

    Now in a frying pan heat about 1tsp oil or let it be if it’s a non-stick pan… Fry all the above mentioned ingredients for filling… let it cool… (use white flour in the end if you feel you need to bind the mixture…)

  • Done waiting?  Well then start heating some oil for deep frying but keep it on low flame… (now this part depends on you… i.e. the amount of oil needed to deep fry depends on the size of your deep frying pan…)
  • Anyway… now grab the dough… roll it out… keep it thin but not too thin… just enough for it to hold the mixture…So our instructor rolled it out… used a round stencil and cut out the circles… then laid down one circle … poured mixture on it… kept the other circle on top and sealed it… However, in my case… I have as usually tried to add my own creativity and hence ended up giving it shapes and designs… Keep doing it till there is no dough left… & Let it rest for about 5-10 minutes…

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  • In a bowl whip an egg… Dip the “donut” or “stuffed bun” in it and now it’s time to deep fry them…
  • While you are deep frying… make sure the flame is low… if the donuts drown in oil, fine… if not.. then make sure you keep pouring hot oil on it so that the donut gets same heat from top & bottom too… in between do turn it upside down & downside up… Fry until it is light/golden brown and when you feel that it is not going to increase in size anymore… Open-mouthed smile Winking smile

Video for procedure:

Chicken Donut by hbk1612

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaa… Time to serve amiga Open-mouthed smile

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Okay, so I know the shapes aren’t perfect and the top picture on this blog is when I made it for the second time… while the above one with sauce is my first attempt… and it went a little dark brown or I didn’t handle them with care when picking them up and dipping in egg and then putting them in deep fryer… So yes, here’s the tip… HANDLE WITH CARE!!

Anyhooooooooooooooooo………… Bon Appétit Open-mouthed smile

White Chicken Handi


Ok so, here’s my version of “White Chicken Handi” or “White Chicken Karhai” whatever you may decide to call, but let me tell you one thing… this dish was neither made in Karhai nor in Handi Winking smile  Anyway… So here goes… First of all, the things you need are:

Chicken
Milk
Milk Cream
Ginger & Garlic
Salt to taste
Black pepper & white pepper
Oil to cook.

If this is my first recipe you are noting down, then let me tell you… I’m strictly the kind of person who enters kitchen and just adds what she feels like unless I am trying a recipe that belongs to someone else in which case I measure quantity.

Now, Milk & Milk cream are basically there to make the curry… everything else to add taste…

Now, I didn’t measure the quantity as usual… of chicken specially… so I’ll just assume it was about 1/2 kg of chicken… (considering my mom just makes separate packets to be used for a day while dad brings chicken in bulk for the month)

Anyway… Procedure:

  • Light the stove, place the cooking pan, add oil (about 5 tablespoons should be enough… or you can add more) …
  • Now add ginger & garlic paste once the oil is hot… Stir a little bit till you can smell the aroma of it..
  • Now add chicken and stir fry it until it has changed its colour…
  • Now add milk… About 1.5 cup milk for 1/2 kg chicken… I made sure milk was lukewarm before adding it…
  • Now add white pepper, black pepper, & salt as required/to taste…
  • Place the lid and let it cook until chicken is at least half-tender…
  • When you feel that chicken is half-tender, add 1/4 ltr of milk cream (I know this because it was in oack… duh Open-mouthed smile)…. Anyhoo…let it cook on low flame until chicken is completely tender.
  • Now… before serving add green chilies for a little spice… use coriander and shredded ginger for garnishing…

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….

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Wish you all the best for cooking it!!  Go ahead, be innovative… use your own measurement for cooking… Smile

 

Bon Appétit Smile

The heart of a child


R.J:

A post that reminded me of something I experienced myself… (Magic of a Smile) …

Originally posted on Lead Challenge Inspire:

Three playful girls in the ruins of a temple, Battambang Province, Cambodia (Oct 2012)

Three playful girls in the ruins of a temple, Battambang Province, Cambodia (Oct 2012)

Looking at my travel photos for probably the 100th time, I stopped on this one… I met these three beautiful girls in the quiet ruins of a temple located in a remote village of Battambang Province in northwestern Cambodia. They were shying away from another tourist trying to photograph them. And who could blame them. Really, what was in it for these three little girls? A pretend smile to a stranger? A photo never to be seen?

Despite this, I could see they were curious, following me discreetly, hiding behind broken walls. So I decided to be a bit playful. I smiled at them, said hello and struck a pose. Quickly, smiles appeared across all three faces, like sun rays through a cloud. And they started imitating my pose. I gave them another funny one to…

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Chapter 3 – In pursuit of Happiness?


So basically I have no idea why I kept the title of this post as “In pursuit of happiness”  basically this post is my version for finding happiness… but nevertheless, I just was reminded of the movie and the name felt like a good title?  Anyhoo… So… let’s see… I could go on with past events since my last post or simply get to the point and write whatever comes in my mind, which does sound a better way to blog… as usual..

So … how do we define happiness?  What is happiness?  Where can you find it?  How do you find it?  So many questions… and not enough answers even though there is a version of happiness dedicated to every person … So basically if I was to tell how many definitions there are of happiness, I’d say that it is equal to the number of people on this earth, old and young alike… Yet, there is only one rational definition, and that is whatever makes you feel good is a source of happiness, so basically the definition is one but it gets that many number of versions because of the different source of happiness for everyone…

Some find happiness and making others happy, some in getting gifts, other getting clothes, some seeing their dad/son after a long time when they come back from work or worktrip or something, a mother finds it in the smile of her child, children find it in probably new toys, icecreams, sweets and candies… and so on… What I have noticed though is that… happiness is same yet different… simple yet complicated… sometimes, it is easy to be happy, and sometimes you have to push yourself and fight with yourself to be happy… fight with circumstances and stand against odd in order to be happy…

Lately it seems as though I’m in the position where I am happy and yet not content… and sometimes, content but not happy… followed by none but trying to be… despite the fact that everything is same as it has been… I mean… its still me… my room… recycling… creating things, getting appreciation from my family… I even got to watch Supernatural a couple of times with bhai… got to talk to my Janu mami… My lovely khalla… my cool mamoo… my sweet cousin… and hung out with friends… STILL… there is something terribly missing … and I just can’t figure it out… and I hate this feeling… of not being able to know what’s wrong…what went wrong… how to fix it?  And this is the point that is hardest… this is the point I fear most… because this is the point where it is hard to control when your heart and your mind wants peace and refreshment and “happiness” and sometimes satan tricks you and makes you fall for ways to find happiness which are not right… which are wrong… So where do I go from here?  where do I find it?  Nop… I don’t intend to be like Elizebeth Gilbert, though I am reading her book but my situation is different and completely opposite…

Somehow I know where my happiness lies… yet it is not for me to have it unless it is given to me by someone else… Though I am doing all the things I love… but for every reason, it feels I am doing it to cover the pain that I actually am getting… But still… what I need most at the moment is perhaps not happiness, but the spirituality, that strength to stick and wait because happiness will come … I know it… I believe in it… and inshA’llah it will…

Yes, I know I got carried away in my thoughts… but that’s what this post is, just a flow of thoughts… which keep jumping from here and there… so here I am again…. if you still are reading it, hats off to you… As for me… I think I’ll step out try and search my happiness, my contentment that seems to be lost or weakened by the enormous load of pain caused by someone else… and unfortunately I can’t tell them or complain, because that’s who I am… a coward in a way… somehow, I find it easy to be hurt than to hurt someone, even though I’m just telling them they hurt me… Whether it is called weakness or strength.. I don’t care… I just know that this is me… and I still have me to take care of my broken heart… why do people hurt?  I don’t know… Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally… Allah knows better… but most of the times… they do it by simple act… the act is… when they expect you to understand, you to treat them as priority… and yet they don’t’ understand you and not even keep you in the option list… I guess world would be much more happier place when everyone treated each other the same way they wanted to be treated…

So with all this crap… just a little advise… If you want to feel special by someone, treat them special…. and if you treat them as option/bad… then allow them to treat you that way too…